The Gay Way List

It’s the GAY WAY LIST. A humorous look at our stereotypes and the things we say, what we do and what we have.  Stereotypes with sarcastic humor.  It’s the GAY WAY LIST.

We understand the difference between the 43 brands of imported vodka.

We can call anyone “honey,” including our pets.

We understand the immense importance of good lighting.

We can be at a crowded disco and still spot a toupee.

We really have “been there, done that.”

We are the only type of male who can say “fabulous.”

We can have naked pictures of men in our home that we don’t know.

We can have naked men in our home that we don’t know.

We understand why the good Lord invented spandex.

We understand why the good Lord didn’t intend everyone to wear it.

We only wear polyester when we mean to.

We can smile to let someone know we can’t stand them

We know the most important part of a party’s decor is the catering staff.

We are good friends with women others can’t stand.

We know how to get back at just about everyone, and have.

We always have an opinion.

We have read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.

We dress strategically.

We are the only ones at our High School reunion who looks better than when we were in High School.

We have framed picture of at least one pet.

If our mattresses could talk it would be Joan Rivers.

We know that sex complicates things. And so???

We know that being called a “cheap slut” isn’t actually an insult.

There is a married guy somewhere who is terrified of us.

We have a medicine chest stocked for every occasion.

We have at least one movie musical on video/dvd.

We are not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar.

We are embarrassed by people who do sing in a piano bar.

We never hold a grudge longer than a decade.. or two.

We know how to make an entrance.

We know when to make an exit.

We worry about people we don’t know, like Liza Minelli.

We have sunscreen at every conceivable SPF.

We think tanning beds were invented for us.

We have a cologne display worthy of Nordstrom’s.

We understand Joan Crawford.

We know how and when to play dumb.

We have called someone “girlfriend” who is neither a girl or a friend.

We made Donna Summer a star.

We made Donna Summer a has-been.

We make sunbathing a performance art.

We know when the party is over.

We know where to go after the party.

We are fearless when it comes to fighting gravity.

We know that pigs and bears are not always wildlife.

We will never have to hear our mother’s complain about our wife.

We all have a favorite Disney character and they are almost always a villain.

We have left someone totally speechless.

We have shaved something other than our face.

All our friends do not have to “get along.”

We have a large collection of anniversary pictures, however, they may be with different guys.

Our love handles are used as such.

When someone turns their back on us we consider that an opportunity.

We have the most interesting coffee table books.

We know every line in All About Eve, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Our face.

When throwing a party we know how to put out quite the spread… after the party.

 
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Gay My Way

Dykes on Bikes motorcycle group in a pride par...

Dykes on Bikes motorcycle group in a pride parade is considered a stereotype of butch lesbians. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Being gay in America does not define you, nor is it a social demotion.  I did not make the rules, but I know how to play the game.  I am not, refuse to be, like to hang around or be compared to the gay stereotype.  It is ugly, socially unacceptable, not respected and over dramatic.

I have made it an issue to be different and to gain respect for who I am.  I have also made it an issue to fight the stereotype so I stay away from the “community” as much as I can, but that  has ironically worked against me.

I will not and do not hide the fact that I am gay.  I will continue to be different, fight the stereotype and will be the first person to stand for equal rights.  It is a long way from where it could be or should be.

It’s time that we stop perpetuating stereotypes.  How are we going to gain the respect of society and argue for equal rights when our pride celebrations include gratuitous nudity, simulated sex acts and Dikes on Bikes being recognized as parade participants.

There is nothing wrong with expressing ourselves but it goes much further when that expression comes with some respect.

Respect ourselves; Express ourselves; accept ourselves.

My sexuality does not define me. I do.

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