The Gay Way List

It’s the GAY WAY LIST. A humorous look at our stereotypes and the things we say, what we do and what we have.  Stereotypes with sarcastic humor.  It’s the GAY WAY LIST.

We understand the difference between the 43 brands of imported vodka.

We can call anyone “honey,” including our pets.

We understand the immense importance of good lighting.

We can be at a crowded disco and still spot a toupee.

We really have “been there, done that.”

We are the only type of male who can say “fabulous.”

We can have naked pictures of men in our home that we don’t know.

We can have naked men in our home that we don’t know.

We understand why the good Lord invented spandex.

We understand why the good Lord didn’t intend everyone to wear it.

We only wear polyester when we mean to.

We can smile to let someone know we can’t stand them

We know the most important part of a party’s decor is the catering staff.

We are good friends with women others can’t stand.

We know how to get back at just about everyone, and have.

We always have an opinion.

We have read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.

We dress strategically.

We are the only ones at our High School reunion who looks better than when we were in High School.

We have framed picture of at least one pet.

If our mattresses could talk it would be Joan Rivers.

We know that sex complicates things. And so???

We know that being called a “cheap slut” isn’t actually an insult.

There is a married guy somewhere who is terrified of us.

We have a medicine chest stocked for every occasion.

We have at least one movie musical on video/dvd.

We are not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar.

We are embarrassed by people who do sing in a piano bar.

We never hold a grudge longer than a decade.. or two.

We know how to make an entrance.

We know when to make an exit.

We worry about people we don’t know, like Liza Minelli.

We have sunscreen at every conceivable SPF.

We think tanning beds were invented for us.

We have a cologne display worthy of Nordstrom’s.

We understand Joan Crawford.

We know how and when to play dumb.

We have called someone “girlfriend” who is neither a girl or a friend.

We made Donna Summer a star.

We made Donna Summer a has-been.

We make sunbathing a performance art.

We know when the party is over.

We know where to go after the party.

We are fearless when it comes to fighting gravity.

We know that pigs and bears are not always wildlife.

We will never have to hear our mother’s complain about our wife.

We all have a favorite Disney character and they are almost always a villain.

We have left someone totally speechless.

We have shaved something other than our face.

All our friends do not have to “get along.”

We have a large collection of anniversary pictures, however, they may be with different guys.

Our love handles are used as such.

When someone turns their back on us we consider that an opportunity.

We have the most interesting coffee table books.

We know every line in All About Eve, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Our face.

When throwing a party we know how to put out quite the spread… after the party.

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Warning: List Of Sarcastic Sayings and Quotable Quotes

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

6. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

7. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

18 Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

26 You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

27. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them

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America, the Ironic

This is a fun list and if you can think of any feel free post them in your comments.

  • Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

  • Only in America will you find handicap parking in front of a skating rink

  • Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk to the back of the store to get their prescriptions and cigarettes are at the front

  • Only in America do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries and a diet coke.

  • Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain pens to the counters.

  • Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put useless junk in our garage.

  • Only in America do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call.

  • Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

  • Only in America do we use the word politics to describe the process so well.  Poli in Latin mean “many” and tics mean “bloodsucking creatures.”

  • Only in America do they have drive up ATM machines with Braille.