Scared of Love- Part 1

Boy, life sure is interesting.  Just when you think you have it all figured out you get thrown a curveball and all that you thought couldn’t happen does and at much faster than even you could have even predicted.  Well, for starters these past few weeks have been a personal challenge.  The situations I found myself in dealt a great deal with matters that come from the heart.  I have always considered myself a strong person who takes great pride in his integrity and always was careful to not be hypocritical.  All of this was tested these past few weeks and before I knew it everything that I stood for on a personal level was gone.  Funny how love works.

I suppose I should rewind a bit and give a condensed version of events that unfolded over the past few weeks and how the final outcome is not yet resolved.  

Nearly a year ago I was lucky enough to meet an incredible individual who really understood the core of who I was and encouraged me to share my writings and my thoughts with others. My writings,  he found to be inspiring and thought provoking and changed the way he perceived others and their actions.  It was shortly after taking his advice and sharing that I found work as a freelance writer and am happy with the direction I am going.

When I met Fernando, he was in the middle of a transition period himself, just ending a relationship and moving back to the city he was raised in, he felt a bit awkward and out of sorts with himself.  It is during this period of time that we began to grow a bit closer each day, coming to understand one another and at some point it became a emotionally intense relationship, scaring us both.

I knew what was happening but didn’t really push too much, perhaps thinking it was going to pass, never really pressing the issue with Fernando as he never really pushed the issue either.  It became much more apparent, as we spent time together, a few days here and a few days there that the closer we became the more resistant I found Fernando.  He would find fault with just about anything and really nothing that made sense and  would result in an argument and him leaving.  This happened the last few times we were together and over Christmas it reached its breaking point.

It would be a week later, shortly after New Years that I would hear back from him again.  We never really spoke about what had happened during our last visit together but  I know it was in back of our minds, each having a different reason for why it happened.  Our next visit was positive, went well and we continued like we never lost contact but little did I know this would be the last contact I would have with Fernando until Valentine’s Day, six weeks later.

It was during the six weeks that I ran into someone who I had not seen in a few years, a time where we found an attraction but bad timing for the both of us made it impossible to explore with one another.  It has been about two weeks at this point and I still have yet to hear from Fernando, not a peep and the longer it went that I heard nothing I believed that he had moved on and I should as well.  

It never fails… when it rains it pours and the way this was headed a flash flood was just around the corner….


To be Continued….



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